guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
