I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
