just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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