I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
