watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
