a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
