He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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