I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
