i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
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Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
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dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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