She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
