Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
