Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
