Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
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I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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