Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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