I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
