Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
