Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
