I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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