I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Boobs speak an international language.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
