im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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