im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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