I have demons in me.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
