Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
