you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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