i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
