Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
