i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
