now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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