Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
