There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
