we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
