I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
