you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
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