she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
