Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
as a side note pls kill me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
