I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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