Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How does one acquire holy water?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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