I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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