I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
