I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
