I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
