I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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