I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
