So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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