Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
