She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
