I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
