You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
