Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
