you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I intend to get homeless drunk
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
