Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
