I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
