just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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