I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
