Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
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In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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