Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
