i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
