i jhust puked up my retainher.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
