i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
