and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
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