no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
