I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She's the barista slut.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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