idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
