His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
