i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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